1. The nicest thing about the future is . . .  that it always
starts tomorrow. 

 2. Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will
make him wag his tail. 

          3. If you don't have a sense of humor,
you probably don't have any sense at all. 
 

4. Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.                                          

 5. A good time to keep your mouth shut
is when you're in deep water.        

           6. How come it takes so
little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become 

a teenager who wants to stay out all night? 

 7. Business conventions are important . .
. because         

They demonstrate how many people a company can operate
without. 

         8. Why is it that at class reunions you feel
younger than everyone else looks? 

9. Scratch a cat . . . and you will
have a permanent job.                               

                 10.
No one has more driving ambition than the teenage boy who wants to buy a
car. 

11. There are no new sins; the old ones just get more publicity.  
                

                          12. There are worse things
than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 a.m. -    

like, it could be the right number. 

13. No one ever
says "It's only a game" when their team is winning. 

14. I've reached the age where 'happy hour' is a
nap.

             15. Be careful about reading the fine print. . .
. There's no way you're going to like it. 

            16. The trouble
with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.    

  
                  17. Do you realize that, in about 40 years, we'll have
thousands of old ladies running   

          around with tattoos in strange places? (And rap
music will be the Golden Oldies!)