I sent you this message two years ago, and you ignored it. Yet I saw you publishing a similar message. And it is not the first time you ignore my messages or questions, so this is the last time I e-mail you, if you do not answer my question, I will stop contacting you.
I wrote to you before about my suffering from the traditions of the first night in marriage, and I know I am not alone in that. I ask here for the ruling of the Shariaa, is it Islamic, or merely a social tradition?
Iím a college professor in a regional university in Upper Egypt, and you know how tough is our traditions there, where the groom and his family make sure the bride is virgin. When the groom is unable to penetrate the membrane with his finger, a lady called Aldaia does the job for him till she bleeds, then everybody celebrates. All of this takes place in front of many family members, with no regard to the feelings of the young virgin girl, who has no right to object, as objection means she is not a virgin, which could lead to her death! When I read your article, ďThe Culture of Slaves,Ē I thought you wrote it for me, so I quickly e-mailed you first, and here I e-mail you again.
I come from a rich Upper Egyptian family. My dad sent me to Cairo to learn with my Uncle (from both my parentsí sides) and his daughters. My cousin proposed to me, and I welcomed as there is nothing to object to about him, He has a master, and comes from a respectable family, our family, but that night, my humanity and dignity were slain.
I refused to go through what was explained earlier, but everybody, including my civilized uncle, turned against me. I insisted; I asked for my groomís help, but he was scared. My Dad started hitting me till I fainted. I woke up to the cheering and kisses of my family, expressing how worried they were because of my resistance. My uncle explained how sensitive his position was, since I was staying with him, and if I was not a virgin, it would be his shame. As for my Dad, he hugged me proudly, while the family took the cloth underneath me, stained with blood, to show it to the village as a proof of my virginity. I of course suffered bleeding because of what they did.
My uncles, aunts, parents passed away, Iím fifty years old, yet the memory of my rape is all I remember from my family!
My husband built a dam between us because of his total obedience to my family. I wish he treated me like his elder brother, who refused to follow the tradition, and treated his wife humanely in that night of wedding. His brother refused any one to witness the prove of his bride virginity. He made his bride feel safety, then he made love to her smoothly, then he gave the family members who were awaiting him Ė the bloody clothes.
My husband was too weak to do the same, and I lost respect for him, and concentrated on my career.
Finally, I ask you, does Islam requires thi8s tradition?
Iím sorry and apologize! I usually have no time to answer all the questions of Fatwas. In Islam, the husband has to prepare his wife to be ready for sexual intercourse. He has to make sure she is ready psychologically and physically, and that is beneficiary for both of them. He has to make the transition smoothly from love to sex to make his wife enjoy sex with him. This is the Quranic law ( 2 :223 ). This Quranic law is more nece3ssary for dealing with the virgin wife in the night of wedding more than this wife after years of marriage.
Sorry again for the delay.
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